Friday, September 19, 2008

Partial Recall

A snippet of last night's dream came back to me in a flash: Lindsay Lohan was dating Phyllis from The Office. ("Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima.") And I was shopping for shoes. Well, I never said my dreams were entirely unrealistic.

At-Home Waxing: A Cautionary Tale

The last time I tried at-home waxing with muslin strips I was in high school. My mom helped me wax my legs in the kitchen, and we proceeded to get goopy, sticky wax all over the counters, floor, her, and me. Not worth it. Years later I tried the Poetic Waxing kit by Bliss—it's genius. It's also $45. So, in a stab at frugality, I decided to give a less expensive waxing kit a shot. I went to Ricky's, where I figured there'd be a good selection of decent-quality waxing products. And oh how there was. Great selection. I was a bit overwhelmed, so I went for something pretty basic: a jar of GiGi Creme Wax Microwave Formula and a package of 100 muslin strips. Total cost: about $20.

When I got home and took off the lid, I was nonplussed. The wax ("wax"?) was the color of Pepto-Bismol, the consistency of Marshmallow Fluff, and scented like plastic. I poked a finger into it. It stuck. I tried wiping off the bubblegummy goo with a paper towel. The paper towel stuck to my finger. I broke out some post-waxing oil (left over from my last Bliss kit) to remove both the goo and the paper towel. Not a promising start.

I nuked the wax for the recommended time...not warm enough. Following the directions, I kept it going in 15-second increments. Still not warm enough. Explicitly violating the directions, I heated it for a full minute. Seemed warm enough. Definitely not hot, but warm. I applied it to my underarm, pressed on a muslin strip, and waited for the wax to harden. It didn't. I got tired of waiting and pulled off the strip. Some of the wax came off with it. No hair.

I kept trying. Ultimately I wound up removing a minor amount of hair and a comparable amount of skin. Furthermore, I did the little test strip on my wrist to check the temperature and then got the goo that refused to come off my wrist stuck to the back of my hair. (The hair on my head, e.g., the hair I didn't want to remove.)

The final outcome? I capped the jar of bubblegum-pink goop and dropped it in the trash. I now need to buy a Bliss Poetic Waxing kit...for use after my armpits are no longer so sore.